


Tonyscaping

by AnonEhouse, blakefancier



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 02:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark likes to be attractive. Pepper doesn't agree with his plans.</p><p>(This is crack, it's silly and mildly sexy.) One day, a long time ago, my partner in crime & I were chatting and the basis of this arose. I'm currently blocked on serious fic so I rooted in my old ideas file and fixed it up into a ficlette.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tonyscaping

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Tony looked down at himself in the shower and considered the situation. That was a WHITE HAIR. Totally unacceptable. And he really didn't want to use Grecian Formula down there. "Pepper," he shouted over the rush of water, "make me an appointment with a manscaper!"

"Tony," Pepper shouted back, "You just had your chest shaved yesterday!"

"Yeah, but now I want a Brazilian!"

"I... fine. I will make the call, but I will NOT hold your hand while a stranger works on you. The chest was one thing, but this, no."

"I NEED YOU, Pepper!"

"You do _not_ need a Brazilian! Your conquests wouldn't care if you were a gorilla!" 

"I need a custom Brazilian to match my goatee!"

"Do NOT TELL ME, MR. STARK."

"My dong needs a hat goatee! A hat-tee!"

"MR. STARK, I WILL MAKE YOU SIT THROUGH THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT SEMINAR AGAIN."

"Look! Tony Down Under likes the idea! Of the goatee. Not the seminar. Doesn't sexual harassment seminar sound dirty to you? It does to me."

"DUMMY, GET THE NAIR!"

"I will get a merkin!"

"MR. STARK, YOU WILL NOT GET A MERKIN FOR YOUR GHERKIN."

"I DO what I WANT, Ms. Potts!"

"FINE! I AM GOING OUT TO BUY SHOES. MANY, MANY SHOES. ALL ON YOUR AMEX."

"Have fun!"

"THERE WILL BE SPIKE HEELS, MR. STARK!"

"YOU'RE TURNING ME ON, MS. POTTS!"

"YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT TIME YOU DRAG ME ONTO A DANCE FLOOR!"

Even in the bathroom, Tony heard the door slam as Pepper left. He grinned. "She really is crazy about me."


End file.
